| Alone |
[Jul. 20th, 2006|03:31 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Coldplay "Everything's Not Lost" | ] |
Ever have one of those days where you don't think there's anyone who really knows you and who you are or what you're about. One of those days where you feel completely alone. Where you feel you can be walking in a store for instance and not even notice the people around you or feel as though you're a ghost just walking through people. That feeling of solitude. One of the worst feelings I can think of. Where you may be surrounded by so many people, strangers or close friends, and feel so alone. How do you shake a feeling like that? In my case I guess I never really do. I just go to sleep and hope that the next day will bring me something different for me to focus my attention on. And live off that kind of clean getaway feeling you may get in the morning that says "It's a new day and you've wiped the slate clean." Kind of like in sports when you start a new season and say "Everyone's undefeated." You hope you can give it your best and everything will be alright. Or realize that you can try your hardest but you just weren't meant to win. |
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| "The Concert" |
[Jul. 18th, 2006|03:30 pm] |
I've never really been the most superstitious person but I do believe that I have horrendous luck. I really do believe that a game of "Top This" is being played "up there". It's the kind of luck that could compete with Al Bundy's luck. To give you a small taste of the things I go through, I share with you a small yet painful anecdote which from here on will be referred to as "The Concert".
My favorite band ever is Matchbox Twenty. Love 'em to death. Can never get tired of their music. You can imagine how psyched I was when I got tickets to see them in concert. I was going to "The Show".
It was an hour ride to the arena so I drove listening the best of MB20 alongside my faithful navigator Ernesto. Got to the concert. Bought a ridiculously expensive poster and t-shirt and a hot dog I think. Before I go on let me say that not long before that I was dumped by my girlfriend of 2 years. It was not a happy break up to say the least. But another story for another day. Just know that on this day, I had much hate for her. I remember saying to Ernie, "I hope I come out on t.v. hugging the the band and she happens to see it." (My love for this band is rivaled only by her) "She won't be here." (When will I learn) So we take our seats. Our pretty good seats. We're waiting for the opening bands when Ernie says "Hey that looks like Ana(Ex)." I say "No, she's too fat." But lo and behold it turns out it is my lovely ex-girlfriend. (Everyone caught the fat joke? Ok, good.) I was pissed. I was livid. This was my night. I had been so miserable up until that point and there she was... WITH BETTER SEATS THAN ME!!!! The anger subsided after about 10 minutes. I just told myself "You know what, you're seeing MB20 tonight. Nothing will ruin that for you." (Anyone seeing a pattern here?) So after watching American Hi-Fi and Sugar Ray give a kick ass opening performance, it was time for "The Show". It was taking awhile for MB20 to come out. But luckily I got to watch my ex ride and grind her new boyfriend (who she hooked up with a week after we broke up) to pass the time. "Nothing will ruin your night." After about 45 mins the crowd was growing restless. Then one of the band members came on to stage. It was time. Or was it? He came out to inform us all that Rob Thomas (lead singer) would not be able to perform due to strep throat. To this I laughed. I thought "Oh you kooky MB20. You play trick on us. Come on out Rob." But then, there was no "Gotcha!" Only a story as to how this would be the first time MB20 would not be able to perform. The first time they would miss a concert in 8 years of putting on shows. 8 YEARS. 8 YEARS. 8 GOD FUCKING DAMN YEARS. NOT ONE PERFORMANCE MISSED UNTIL THE NIGHT GUS STROLLED INTO THE ARENA. So obviously after that I was in denial. I sat in my chair for about half an hour after that as the crowd left. Still thinking it was all a ploy. I left that night feeling the worst I ever had. Looking back it's somewhat comical. But that night was the night I finally realized that my luck was no joke. "The Concert". A night that will live in infamy for the rest of my life.
Oh yeah. I got my refund and was told MB20 would come back. "The Show" did come back into to town. I just never found about it.
One day... |
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| Growth |
[Jul. 18th, 2006|02:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Death Cab For Cutie | ] |
So I decided to sign up for live journal. I'm still not exactly sure how I worked up the nerve to do it. My main reason I guess is to try to finally find a way to express myself to other people. I am horrible at this. For example, I will spend days being mad at someone and finding all these reasons why to justify my discontent with this person. Then when I confront them I have a tendency to forget all those reasons making me look like an immature dumb ass who can't let go of a grudge. I hope by writing on here I can learn to get a hold on my emotions and feelings and be able to put them into words. I'm seeking emotional growth. Anyone who knows me that reads this will likely not be able to hold back a "Well you're not going to get any taller," joke so go ahead and say it. If nothing else I'm sure the ridicule I'll receive from my friends for having a journal will give me some perspective. If anything I can use this as a way to take notes for when I get into those said arguments I can refer to my live journal for ammunition. So hopefully I won't bore anybody and if I do, well, who cares? It's my page. I do what I want. |
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